Is this really it?

The other day bfs coaxed me into ss's room, pointed to a cherished bag in the corner and gently reminded me 'you know what this means don't you?'

What he was hinting at was the fact that the few items held back from ss's clothes collection from over the years which had escaped the 'hand me down' process 'just in case' another little girl graced our family would now have to be involved in the distribution process. Essentially banging the hypothetical nail into our child bearing coffin!

'I know this isn't easy ....but it has to be done' he said as he picked up the bag and took it through to our room for sorting.

A small gesture, but pretty symbolic for me. I was good though, I think I handled it well (no tears at least). In fact I'm not entirely sure it's truly sunk in and that's why I was okay with it. I'm not sure I'll be the same the day when we finally pack up our last cot and transfer our youngest into a 'proper bed'. The realisation may be here that CC will be our last baby, and, probably because of that, I intend cherishing every moment.

He most likely will be the last - and that's something which may just take a little longer to accept - for now I'm living for the present and not dwelling on the future .