It's passed me by....

This Year that is!

It's Christmas Eve, and I thought it would be the perfect time to reflect upon the year gone by. I'm kinda gutted that I didn't mark SC's big moments and there's no point trying now as the year has been has sleep deprived haze!

The sleeping has never really improved, the expressing came to nothing and I think I can probably count on one hand the number of nights sleep I've had since she burst into our lives. SC has to this point never had a drink from a cup or bottle and is still completely reliant upon me for all her liquid needs - so you can work out from that that she hasn't been away from me for more than a couple of hours at a time. No complaints - my job for the last year has to be a mum and that I have. 

From only wanting to be on her feet at a young age, she has gone to doing anything in her power to not place them on the ground. Her core strength must be phenomenal with the ease at which she lifts her legs up in front of her when you attempt to get her up standing! Crawling however has been well and truly mastered, and she does a great 'monkey shuffle' using one foot to propel herself forwards when she wants to get somewhere from sitting.

Weaning was a nightmare, the first few weeks had her reject most things put into her mouth, but I was way more chilled about it this time, if she didn't eat it just got put away until the next meal time. She's still not wonderful and a few textured foods will just be spat out, but we'll get there.

She has come to love her Water Babies classes and is so relaxed when she gets dunked, she spends most of the time in the pool squealing with delight and splashing everyone around her as she whacks her arms around. We also started Tiny Talk which has done a great job of teaching me some sign language - her not so much! She does love going and the songs though, but fear she's the bully of the class as she loves to just crawl right up to the other babies and snatch their toys from them. Slightly embarrassing!

The poor toot is under the weather and has been running a fever for the past few days. It comes down with Calpol so the doc reckons it's viral and there's not much we can do except keep her fluids up and keep her cool, so she's been latched onto me most of the time. It's been lovely having snuggles from her as she's not normally a cuddly baby (she fidgets too much) but not great that it takes her being sick to get them.

The rest of the mob have had a pretty good year. CC headed off to school this August and has been charming everyone there in his usual manner. He is a ridiculously happy kid and frequently has us chuckling with his ways and enthusiasm for life! He is proving to be a pretty bright cookie and think he'll follow in his brothers shoes (if not outgrow them!). He was picked up as having a slight squint in his pre-school eye test and it turns out that he is actually pretty blind in one eye and not much better in the other. He now sports a very stylish pair of specs and an eyepatch for 6 hours a day. He loves it though and rocks the look. Rather amusingly one day at school when they had a new teacher in he asked her if she thought that he only had one eye, before dramatically whipping off the patch to reveal the other one with an enthusiastic 'ta-daaaaa'

What's occuring?

Meant to post a few days ago to comment on a couple of weird days with SC, but thought that sleep should get priority! Tonight I'm making a point of stopping up until 11pm (yes you heard me right - instead of 11pm being an early night, I'm actually staying up until that time!) to try my hand at expressing off some milk for the freezer. No doubt tonight will be the night she doesn't sleep until 2am...


Last Tuesday was a bit bizarre. After the usual morning school/dog walk/feed routine I had to collect CC from Edzell as he had nursery there that day. We went to No. 63 afterwards for a catch up with an Edzell mum and SC fell asleep there around 1 pm (she fed at 11). She then remained sleeping - even with school run etc until 4:30pm! I had to keep checking her and my boobs were at exploding point! I didn't want to wake her as I thought she must be needing it, but boy was I chuffed when she did finally get up. She wasn't cranky at all and even then went down around 9ish to bed. She then slept until 2am.


The next day she once again did a 5 hour between feed and 3 1/2 hour sleep. (This time it was a walk in the pram, and she stayed in it sleeping again) Thursday wasn't so good, but there's been a couple of nights from 8/9 until 2ish and everything seems altogether more relaxed. BFS is going to think I've kidnapped another baby when he gets home. Evenings have been converted to pacing around trying to settle a very disgruntled little one, unable to sit down, or if you do then being unable to move - to all the kids being bedded by 9(ish) pm (for the most part) and early nights or uninterrupted tv viewing if that's what you'd like....

In the middle of all this she has found a method of sucking digits which works for her. Mostly her left hand middle and ring finger. If she changes to the right she just wedges as many fingers in there as possible! She fell asleep on my lap one afternoon and instead of putting her down I let her lay there and just enjoyed the moment. (I also finally managed to get her nails clipped!) which has helped as she doesn't scratch her face whilst trying to get her fingers in her mouth and upsetting herself.


She has also taken to frequently not being fussed for the 'second side', sometimes not being that fussed for the first! She'll latch on, suckle until I let down then whip her head back and take in the view leaving me to frantically find something to absorb the spray going everywhere (and mourn the wasted milk!) I'm not sure if she's just more efficient?


So the question is - was she actually colicky? Isn't it normally about 3 months that they would get over it? She's definitely chilled greatly in the last week, I don't dread her being awake as she will now be quite happily awake and content. Or is it just that she's found her fingers and can somewhat self soothe now?


Ach I'll never know. Whatever it is I can only hope it remains and improves :0)

Today we were back at Water Babies and she was much more relaxed. She got properly dunked by the coach and then I was shown how to submerge her safely. It was so cool and she wasn't phased at all. There were even smiles from her at the end of the session when she was chilled on her back. Very proud of her! I was also very proud of my boys as they had to come along too as it is a holiday and there was no school. They were very well behaved sitting watching the class. Poor CC didn't get his lesson today as it was cancelled (unfortunately we didn't find out until he was already standing under the shower at the pool waiting to go in!) they boys scored though as SC needed fed (once again 5 hours since her last feed) so they were treated to a milkshake so we could stop there and use the sofa! It was a treat too much though as BB requested fruit for their snack tomorrow as he felt lacking in healthy food! Bad mum....(they'd just finished scoffing some yoghurt and two punnets of strawberries before you start dialling social services!)



It's about that time where I need to go milk myself. Wish me luck for getting more than 2 oz and for SC to sleep for at least another 3 hours.....

Cherished Moment

Little fish....

It's been an eventful couple of weeks. BFS returned to work leaving me on my ownsome for only the second time since SC was born, but I was much less apprehensive this time as I knew that I made it through the last three week trip virtually in one piece. 

SC has definitely turned a corner in the past week or so and has chilled out and seems much more content for longer spells. Although I did think that, after having spent 4 hours in the Tula at the boys rugby tournament and the spells in the car seat which come with it, her screams of frustration in the evening translated to 'would you please just give me a routine and stop bloody winging it woman!!! I really felt for her as she just didn't know what to do with herself.

I have been feeling quite stressed about the time she spends in the car seat when BFS is at work (and indeed even quite a lot of time when he was home this last leave due to his commitments) I've been comparing it to her brothers and to be blunt it's pretty exponential. I just hope it doesn't hinder her skeletal development when she's older! 

We finished up our massage class last week. She was pretty chilled during the class, but has pretty much hated any attempt by me to treat her to one at home! With the pending swimming classes due to replace them, I thought that I should try and acclimatise missy to the water again as since she face-planted at the taster session and swallowed a mouthful she's been less than happy with any water contact! I started 'taking her to the pool' (ie deep, warm bath) in the mornings after we'd walked Lex and initially I had to feed her in the water so she started associating it with contentment and slowly she's started to relax. 

The big test was today when we returned to the Hydrotherapy pool in Dundee (which is amazing - as warm as an oversized bath) for our first official Water Babies session. She started to grumble at the poolside (I'm sure she recognised where she was!) but it didn't come to anything. She really wasn't sure throughout the whole half hour, but kept the tears at bay. I was very, very proud of her as she did her first 'underwater swim' which was basically the instructor dunking her under and passing her back up to me. She didn't cry (although was on the edge!) hopefully it will be the start of a beautiful relationship with the water.....CC had a swimming lesson today too! (On another subject, I'm so glad I've been so anal about the special pillows etc for her head as there were some pretty bad cases of flat heads at the pool today with the other babies. It was quite disturbing)

Another thing which enevitably had to happen was SC had her first fall! She was on the footstool (where she loves to lie and watch the light fitting) and must have used her feet against the sofa to push herself backwards - so much so that she slid off onto her head. Oooh the guilts. I was only a few feet away from her too. She also had her first bowt of being under the weather - literally last night! She suddently snotted up and snored all night (typical on the night before her swimming lesson) and subsequently spent all night in bed with me and we're both shattered. She's continued to be snotty all day, but I'm determined to have her in her own bed all night. She has already sent herself back to sleep after a wee cry and a lot of sucking on her fingers (she woke when I placed her in after her feed) which is a bit of a breakthrough. 

Bedtime has been going a bit better. A few nights ago I managed to get her down around 9, and since then it's been a bit hit or miss, but generally she's been in bed and asleep by 10pm, so I've clawed back a couple of hours in the evening - and some of these nights she would even go 4 hours between wakes and feeds. There's been some regression in the past few days though and sometimes we're lucky to get to 2.5 hours. I can see why some people give up and turn to formula or wean early as it is really draining, but my determined side will persevere to 6 months whether that means I spend my days and nights like a dairy cow or not!

SC has also become very strong too. She sits very confidently in the bumbo, and I let her have a couple of minutes 'upright' in the door bouncer the other day (I won't give her any longer as I don't think it's great for their hips). She hasn't mastered the thumb/finger sucking, but she is taking her own weight on her feet and legs. 

She's suddenly turned from a newborn baby to this interactive little human being. She will hold onto toys and actually 'play's with her playgym and toy bar on her bouncer. I haven't had her in the swing again as she really wasn't enamoured.

I suppose I should try and get some sleep (sleep when the baby sleeps......yeah right!) as she's snoring away beside me in her bed. Here's hoping I can turn my brain off!

Real tears

For the past two days SC has added waterworks to her repertoire. Up until now there's been the cries, mostly angry as though she is expressing sheer rage at everything and everyone, but a couple of times I've answered to her calls in the last 48 hours there have been tears seeping down her face or simply welling up in her eyes. I'm actually finding it pretty upsetting. It's as though this shit is now real. A light has been turned on in her little head, and she's no longer screaming because she doesn't know why, now she knows and it's upsetting her. She feels lonliness, pain, discomfort, abandonment, and most of all that she's not been protected from these things by me. 

I thought I'd finally try and introduce a 'bath and bedtime' routine. This time the real tears belonged to both of us. BFS had been working all day and in between feeds, dog walking, school runs, meal making (for the kids) baby massage class, swimming lesson drop off and a tip run, I had also been otherwise occupied and hadn't made dinner for the grown ups. I returned from a walk with SC and Lex (and Tex from next door) and BFS suggested he go out for pizza. Woo bloody hoo....meal making is definitely wearing me down at the moment. It's my most dreaded 'chore' (as that's what it feels like) the noo. Anyhoo's I digress...I decided tonight would be the night and she'd done so well at her massage class in the morning. I quickly grabbed the bath, got everything laid out upstairs including a towel on a piddle mat, ambient lighting and the lullaby CD playing which I used for BB when he was a baby. The bath got filled, BFS left and I stripped a smiling SC ready for her relaxing pre bed treats. Or so they were supposed to be! As soon as her legs hit the womb warm water all mighty hell broke loose. She screamed the house down and no amount of smiles and reassuring splashes from me could convince her that this was supposed to be a pleasant experience (note to self - get baby SC accustomed to the bathing experience before we embark on our first Water Babies block!) I gave up and took her out, wrapped her all snuggly and gave her lots of cuddles as I transported her to our mellowed out massage parlour. The problem was she didn't mellow out - in fact she escalated and once more that almighty raged holler came from her tiny frame. I cuddled, I walked, I even attempted to lather her in the coconut oil and chill her that way but finally caved, crying with helplessness and settled her the most likely way to work. I quickly got her dressed and into the grobag and u clipped my bra! She even complained about that! It took s good while got her to settle and finally accept the milk being offered. BFS came home after side one was emptied and she appeared calm and content (if only he knew what he'd missed!) I carefully ate my 'dinner' one handed trying my best not to drop any on the White linen! Once I was drained dry I popped her into bed, only to have her awaken (Argh) I let her suckle on my finger for a bit, tried and failed with the dummy and eventually went downstairs leaving her trying to suck on her own hands (knowing full well within 5 mins she'd be screaming again. Correct! I turned the monitor off, but after 15 mins and she was still at it BFS tried to settle her but she ended up back downstairs with us, back on the boob and annoyingly sleeping within 5 mins. Scared to move I sat with her like that until half past midnight. (3 1/2 hours!) BFS was sleeping on the other sofa! I really did have to get to bed and moved her upstairs to feed her again. She woke again going into bed and grumbled when I went to brush my teeth, this time luckily she settled with suckling my finger for ten minutes - so it's now my turn to get some sleep.....

Small changes

It's difficult to gauge your baby's growth and development when you spend all day every day with them. There is the enevitable growing out of clothes - the day you pick up the sleepsuit which fitted them 'only last week' or when you place them down for a moment on the footstool which they lay contentedly on whilst you took some pictures to have to then pick them up and find another safe place for them as their legs are now dangling off or they are now wriggling in such a way that they are threatening to roll off (god forbid!). Also with subsequent siblings (and I'm not saying the fact that SC is no.4 is an excuse....but in actuality it is!) combined with the fact that I've started this catch up too late - I've missed the opportunity to mark SC's first smile, the first time her thumb found her mouth (then didn't!), when she started to follow you across the room with her eyes, when she notedly held her head up (has since birth - but in a stronger way).....you get my drift.

I can remember that she was promoted to 3-6 month clothing at 6 weeks as the smaller size was making her toes curl. She wore her first outfit (rather than a sleepsuit)  which was a dress bought by her dad on 13th March at 8 weeks as we were out for a birthday lunch for me. As for development? I suppose I'll have to start here. A few days ago BFS commented that for the first time she looked like she 'really had something behind her eyes' - she was t just gazing in that newborn way. There's definite recognition there now, and if you approach it in the right manner you can get smiles on demand. The other thing is, a couple of days ago, she started interacting with a play arch hanging over her when she's lying on her back. It has three toys which bob up and down and spin around playing a tune if disturbed and she has worked out that she can do this herself if she reaches up to them with her hands. It's pretty cool :0) 

In addition she definitely spends more time settled nowadays - we're beginning to settle in with one another and just get to know each other better. 

Ooh - a wee update in 'arms up' swaddle bag. Hmmmm think that's also a non - starter. We had a really shit night last night and I'm not sure if it was coincidence that she was in it. Initially it seemed good, but I think she needs the ability to stretch her arms even further above her head. Still just a wee bit too restricted for her. I've decided I'll ride it out with the gro-bag and hope she masters her thumb soon!

Them darned shifting goal posts

So much for the dummy! It's been spat out pretty much every time I've wedged it into her mouth since.

Today I decided to break into the 'peanut swaddle' pack. (I held off the other day as the gro-bag seemed to be working just fine). I'd spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to settle SC and my frustration grew each time she dosed off (with my finger in her mouth - again) only to wake and try to chew on her own fingers - to then realise that she didn't yet have the dexterity and therefore get more and more stressed at her inability to create a seal around the half fist she was forcing into her (beginning to scream) gob, so I eventually caved and ripped open the pack of what I can only describe as a 'straight jacket for babies' in the vain hope that keeping her sodden slobbery fingers away from her chops (until such days as she can successfully use them to self soothe). Now - I'm not sure if it was down to the fact that SC has never been the biggest swaddle fan (due to the fact that she pretty much has had the freedom of a king sized bed for the first two months of her life (my bad)) or the fact that I stupidly thought that a 3-6 month sized suit would be a good fit for my slightly over chunky 'solid' two month old, but let's just say that it did not go down well. The resulting scene was not a pretty one. She went from slightly disgruntled 'I'm not sure if I want to go to sleep, but let me just suck on your crannie a little bit longer and I'll test the water' to all out 'WTF have you done to me woman' squirming, straight-jacketed, psychotic small being looking less like a peanut and more like a ravaged beast trying to escape from an oversized placenta*

I quickly unzipped said stretchy swaddle and quickly returned her to the gro-bag, and after another 15 mins of floor walking to settle her, assumed the position of her in her cot with me sat alongside with my finger in her mouth. Another 'miracle' product to cross off the list!

I am still intrigued by the other one though as it has extra arm bits which allow her arms to be in the 'up by the head' position which I think she may like. She can still get her hands (albeit covered) to her mouth in a controlled fashion to suck on the seams, but shouldn't whack herself in the face with the startle reflex. I'll try it tonight and let you know how it goes....

*don't let the jaunty little 'mummy and baby duck' embroidered design fool you. To SC this was nothing short of a torture device cunningly disguised as a 'feel cosy and snuggled in' must-have product for your newborn.

Please.Just.Stop!

Have you ever wanted to find the 'pause' button for real life. Sometimes I just feel as though life is whizzing past my ear like a bullet from a gun. Wouldn't it be great if you could just slow things down a little and feel like you've had the time to properly absorb every precious second?

This blog for example. It's now probably over a year since I've sat down and written anything meaningful which means that precious moments of our life which seem insignificant at the time have not been recorded and these small moments which, bring a smile if recalled may now be buried in the depths of the psyche never to raise their head again. The fleeting moments which make an imprint on another do not even surface when someone reminiscing asks the question 'ooh, do you remember the time when....?'

There have been several pretty significant moments in our lives since I last wrote properly. I personally hit a birthday milestone last year which was celebrated by a surprise trip to Oz for the whole family and a stay with one of my dearest friends at her home in Perth. 

The boys have been doing really well with their sports and school and have even picked up some awards.

The biggest change in our lives though happened ten weeks and 1 day ago (to be precise). On the 15th January this year our family grew not only in number but also by eostrogen count. On that day baby number 4 (SC) made her way into the family with the force of an out of control tornado! Several extra ultrasound scans had prepared us for the fact that she was going to be as big, if not bigger than the others, but not that she was going to be a she! With the tummy measurements growing at a rate we kinda presumed that another boy was on his way to Station House, but not only was she a girl, she was also bigger than any of her brothers had been at 10lb 2oz. Oocha doesn't begin to cover it! 

Our lives have been turned upside down and we have been thrust back into the throws of life with a newborn and thr trial and tribulations that come along for the ride. You'd think that we'd be old hands at it now, but this feels very, very new again. It feels like an age ago since I'd changed a nappy and CC was just at the stage of independance, getting his own breakfast, dressing himself and fastening his own seatbelt (I can't stress what a big deal this is) and that - topped with starting school after the summer makes the impact on our lives of having another wee dependant soooo much more monumental.

The endless feeding broken only by short spells of changing nappies, walking the floor with a crying bundle and the odd power nap has resorted the last couple of months to a sheer blur. Hence the reason for the title of the post. I had romantic ideals of these first few weeks and envisioned lovely photo sessions, detailed blog posts and lots of records of each little development and milestone, but this has not come to fruition. I have no recollection of when she had her first smile, or when she let me sleep for more than two hours (if she even has!) or when she fleetingly found her thumb a happily suckled on it for a few seconds. I have no physical record of just how much love her brothers have outpoured to her, so few pictures or film to capture those moments where they can't hide the love they have for her in their expressions.

UPDATE: Argh. I started an update a couple of nights ago only to have the power die and lose it all!

the jist being that it is now 11 weeks + 6 and therefore the point has been proven regarding the virtual impossibility of finishing a blog, capturing those magical moments and retrospectively laughing as you read about the frustrations and hair ripping moments which at the time seem like the worst things in the world (oh how I'll laugh......!) One irony being this after I have just spent an hour trying to get Miss SC down for a nap which will most likely last 20 minutes!

Anyways, we've (I've) had some minor progress with SC. She is now sleeping in her own bed in the evening 90% of the time and because I'm feeling more refreshed I'm finding the energy to sit up and feed her and return her to her own mattress. The breakthrough is that she is mostly going straight back to sleep which gives me those extra precious minutes of sleep. Swings and roundabouts!

She has also now had a few nights in a gro bag. This came about after a frantic 3am shopping venture on Amazon buying swaddle pods and dummies (I lost the one and only one we had as she'd rejected it after a few days and hadn't needed on for a few weeks) whilst having one of those rip your hair out moments trying to get her back to sleep after she'd drained every last ounce of milk from me and still wanted more! I would get her tucked in, stick my finger in her mouth and then be rendered useless as she thrashed her chubby legs about and kicked off the covers. My plan was to pin down the arms/legs causing the blanket removal which left her cold and awake, and to replace my finger with a suitably molded silicon contraption so I could be catching some much needed zeds whilst she thrashed and suckled her way back to sleep.....however in the interim I re-introduced the rejected gro-bag to at least make sure she was kept warm until the other survival items arrived via the more attractive looking (each time he delivered another 'miracle product') postman*. She seemed more content (warm) but awoke for each feed in an awkward diagonal position across her cot with her head no longer on her 'flat head' pillow *gasp* so I rectified it the following night with rolled up towels under her sheet acting like bolsters  on either side of her squirmy wee body (pretty much re-creating the 'Sleepyhead' pod which I'd just sold that day for $50)

It turns out that she's rather taken to her wee sleeping bag with arm holes - to the point I think I may be returning the said items as their miracle properties may no longer be required. Goal posts once again moved.

Two days ago the first package arrived which contained (along with some other goodies which may have fallen into the virtual basket - such as a wireless trigger for my camera which will be used in those fantastical photography sessions!) the dummies and the 'armless' version of the swaddle pod - essentially  a peanut shaped straight jacket for wriggle meisters who fling off their deftly swaddeld muslin in a style of which houdini would be proud. Armed with the dummy, that very afternoon I set off upstairs with SC to attempt putting her down for an 'actual afternoon nap' (as in not an enforced one due to being wedged in the car seat and driven to whichever destination has been dictated by whichever of her big brothers having an 'activity' to be at or a nursery/school pick up**) Unbelievably I laid her tired little head down, popped in the dummy in, she suckled, spat it out once done and then promptly slept for about an hour and a half!!! Woo bloody hoo. I used the time to clear the wee piles of crap which had started to engulf the livingroom (mostly my doing) baby stuff, dog stuff, toy stuff, papers for filing etc etc and by the time BFS returned from his 2 1/2 hour pounding of the cross trainer at the gym a chilled out me was sat calmly feeding the well rested baby in a war free zone. CC and I were bonding over 'that programme with Rachel in it' (I had for a split second thought proudly that he had requested I tune into Countdown, however it seems that his dads love of re-runs of Friends has made an impression on this just turned 5 year old). All was good at Station House.

I would love to think that one day I will revisit the moments and memories and imprint them on the WWW for eternity, but I fear that by deduction of the fact that it has taken almost two weeks to write this, that it will not be. Unless my brain is still fully functioning in my latter years and I decide to write my (by then somewhat elaborated) memoirs!

* If you ever happen to chance upon a meet with my postie then you'll see just how much these items were anticipated!

** It is to be noted that the luxury of an attempted 'actual afternoon nap' is only possible due to the presence of BFS as he wasn't at 'real work' (on the oil rig) or 'other work' (extra days required during his leave) or during holidays - when two of the four kids are in fact at their Grandma's (cough)