Here's a couple of session pics from Klauds.
Wednesday, 23 February 2011
Saturday, 19 February 2011
34 weeks....
Please note, these are my edits on K's original pics, I haven't had her final versions yet (which are bound to be much more fabulous) I just couldn't wait to pop a couple up x
I know there's no bump in this one - but I just like it!!!
Friday, 18 February 2011
Like two ducks....
The last half hour of the evening besides BB, LL and myself had a pretty good day today. Despite the absolutely miserable weather....
BB is off nursery until Tuesday so on wednesday (past) I decided to be proactive regarding things to do, bit the bullet and joined the local 'country club' attached to the hotel in the next village. One sole incentive being the fairly small, fairly warm indoor pool which would allow me to take both boys along on my Jack Jones. (Public pools have a strict adult:child ratio policy). I doubt the gym will be a massive draw - It consists of two treadmills, a low rider bike and a normal one. Oh and a gym ball and aflat screen on the wall so high you'd actually get a creak in your neck if you were to watch it! It does have a sauna and a jacuzzi which may be enough for BFS....
Anywho's we spent the morning at toddlers, which was fairly event free, then after lunch and a bit of playing with BB's alphabet flash cards and LL's jigsaws I used the promise of a trip to the pool as blackmail for tidying up purposes. It worked a treat, and two excited boys helped mummy pack all the things we needed and we jumped in the carand made the two mile drive along to the pool.
The changing room was like a military operation, LL ready, BB ready, armbands on - check - just mummy to go. Oooh we could almost taste the chlorine when I pulled out my bikini from my bag only to discover that I'd actually packed my two sets of bottoms (one shorty and one tie side) instead of the shorts and the top!!! There was no way round it - we had to go home for me to get my top! It was p**sing down outside, but there was no way we weren't going in the pool now. Armbands were stripped off, wellies, coat and hats put on (I should have taken a picture on my phone as LL was only in his swim pants and BB in his trunks underneath - twas a pretty sight!) Our possesions were abandoned. I didn't even bother with my coat and they were taken back through the hotel, out the front and bundled into the car for the round trip back home! LL was devastated - he thought he wasn't getting in the pool, however a solemn promise from Mummy that we were coming back settled him soon enough!
Minor mishap aside we finally got into an empty pool and languished in the fact we had it to ourselves. LL was like a limpet at first. Not surprising considering his last pool experience was on holiday in October and even then it was so cold that he refused to get back in after the first day. I can't even remember how long it was prior to that since he'd been (tut tut). BB was also pretty apprehensive, but slowly both boys started to gain a bit of confidence and the vice grip on my arm lessened. LL spent a majority of the time experimenting with entering and leaving the pool via a set of steps, and mummy to catch, but I was more than happy to let him take it at his own pace. About an hour in a family with three kids came in to join us, and it seemed to bring BB out of his shell. Keen to be involved (and to show off slightly) he clung less to the side and 'swam' a bit more (with armbands still). By the time we finally came out LL's confidence had risen exponentially. He also 'swam' a full length without me so much as touching him - chanting 'I swim mummy, I swim' along the way.
One downside when we came out was that my bump felt like a leaded weight! Oh and I probably spent more time than I realised with my legs wider than they are supposed to be allowed, so I may suffer for that tonight, but all in all we left like shrivelled up prunes, but happy.
Could be the best few pounds I've spent in a while...
BB is off nursery until Tuesday so on wednesday (past) I decided to be proactive regarding things to do, bit the bullet and joined the local 'country club' attached to the hotel in the next village. One sole incentive being the fairly small, fairly warm indoor pool which would allow me to take both boys along on my Jack Jones. (Public pools have a strict adult:child ratio policy). I doubt the gym will be a massive draw - It consists of two treadmills, a low rider bike and a normal one. Oh and a gym ball and aflat screen on the wall so high you'd actually get a creak in your neck if you were to watch it! It does have a sauna and a jacuzzi which may be enough for BFS....
Anywho's we spent the morning at toddlers, which was fairly event free, then after lunch and a bit of playing with BB's alphabet flash cards and LL's jigsaws I used the promise of a trip to the pool as blackmail for tidying up purposes. It worked a treat, and two excited boys helped mummy pack all the things we needed and we jumped in the carand made the two mile drive along to the pool.
The changing room was like a military operation, LL ready, BB ready, armbands on - check - just mummy to go. Oooh we could almost taste the chlorine when I pulled out my bikini from my bag only to discover that I'd actually packed my two sets of bottoms (one shorty and one tie side) instead of the shorts and the top!!! There was no way round it - we had to go home for me to get my top! It was p**sing down outside, but there was no way we weren't going in the pool now. Armbands were stripped off, wellies, coat and hats put on (I should have taken a picture on my phone as LL was only in his swim pants and BB in his trunks underneath - twas a pretty sight!) Our possesions were abandoned. I didn't even bother with my coat and they were taken back through the hotel, out the front and bundled into the car for the round trip back home! LL was devastated - he thought he wasn't getting in the pool, however a solemn promise from Mummy that we were coming back settled him soon enough!
Minor mishap aside we finally got into an empty pool and languished in the fact we had it to ourselves. LL was like a limpet at first. Not surprising considering his last pool experience was on holiday in October and even then it was so cold that he refused to get back in after the first day. I can't even remember how long it was prior to that since he'd been (tut tut). BB was also pretty apprehensive, but slowly both boys started to gain a bit of confidence and the vice grip on my arm lessened. LL spent a majority of the time experimenting with entering and leaving the pool via a set of steps, and mummy to catch, but I was more than happy to let him take it at his own pace. About an hour in a family with three kids came in to join us, and it seemed to bring BB out of his shell. Keen to be involved (and to show off slightly) he clung less to the side and 'swam' a bit more (with armbands still). By the time we finally came out LL's confidence had risen exponentially. He also 'swam' a full length without me so much as touching him - chanting 'I swim mummy, I swim' along the way.
One downside when we came out was that my bump felt like a leaded weight! Oh and I probably spent more time than I realised with my legs wider than they are supposed to be allowed, so I may suffer for that tonight, but all in all we left like shrivelled up prunes, but happy.
Could be the best few pounds I've spent in a while...
Wednesday, 16 February 2011
The guilts
Oh boy am I suffering strongly tonight. I am home in an empty house - the boys away to a 'sleepover' at their cousins to let me get some rest. Much needed rest, rest which hopefully will stop them getting the full wrath of disgruntled mummy again!
I really feel I overstepped the Mark with BB today. I recount stories told to me by my mum about occasions where she actually locked herself in the bathroom to vent out her anger rather than take it out on my brother. This is where I was today, but I didn't lock myself away. I really should have.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't hit BB, but I shouted as loudly as he screamed, which to a four year old would be scary enough I'm sure, but when he refused to go up to his room and sat stubbornly at the bottom of the stairs the scary big bellied mummy decided to remove him to his room herself. Being as heavily pregnant as I am, this consisted of me in front of him, hands under the armpits and heaving him up two steps at a time. All the while his rage (and most likely fear) escalating to the point where at the top he was just bundled past the stairgate, the gate was closed and he was left to make his own way to his room tantruming like a two year old.
I think the closing of the gate was my equivalent of the locking of the bathroom door. I took myself away from the situation downstairs, and had the distraction of a nappy change which forced a little extra calming down time. Luckily by the time I returned to his room BB had also calmed down, and was more than happy to listen to mummy explain why she'd been so angry and the reason for him being 'sent' to his room. He accepted he had been in the wrong, and after his apology received the biggest cuddle he'd probably had in a long time.
Subconsciously the cuddles have continued throughout the afternoon, and lots of re- assurances from mummy that she loves him very much. (personally I know that I actually required the reassurance that my son still loved his psychotic mum). Later on I apologised for shouting at him, and promised not to do it again as long as he wasn't naughty. His response?
'I promise not to be naughty again mummy'
Gosh I'm crying again just thinking about it - probably hormones, but by god this one was different, and I just can't shake the guilt.
I really feel I overstepped the Mark with BB today. I recount stories told to me by my mum about occasions where she actually locked herself in the bathroom to vent out her anger rather than take it out on my brother. This is where I was today, but I didn't lock myself away. I really should have.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't hit BB, but I shouted as loudly as he screamed, which to a four year old would be scary enough I'm sure, but when he refused to go up to his room and sat stubbornly at the bottom of the stairs the scary big bellied mummy decided to remove him to his room herself. Being as heavily pregnant as I am, this consisted of me in front of him, hands under the armpits and heaving him up two steps at a time. All the while his rage (and most likely fear) escalating to the point where at the top he was just bundled past the stairgate, the gate was closed and he was left to make his own way to his room tantruming like a two year old.
I think the closing of the gate was my equivalent of the locking of the bathroom door. I took myself away from the situation downstairs, and had the distraction of a nappy change which forced a little extra calming down time. Luckily by the time I returned to his room BB had also calmed down, and was more than happy to listen to mummy explain why she'd been so angry and the reason for him being 'sent' to his room. He accepted he had been in the wrong, and after his apology received the biggest cuddle he'd probably had in a long time.
Subconsciously the cuddles have continued throughout the afternoon, and lots of re- assurances from mummy that she loves him very much. (personally I know that I actually required the reassurance that my son still loved his psychotic mum). Later on I apologised for shouting at him, and promised not to do it again as long as he wasn't naughty. His response?
'I promise not to be naughty again mummy'
Gosh I'm crying again just thinking about it - probably hormones, but by god this one was different, and I just can't shake the guilt.
Sunday, 13 February 2011
Can't wait...
I forgot to mention that I had a bump photo sesh with the amazing K the other morning. I can't wait to see the results. Hopefully I get to post something up soon....
Insomniac child for sale...
Any offer considered!
This is where I was heading with BB this morning after yet another disturbed night of sleep.
I thought I was coping quite well through the week, but the knock on effect of not getting a decent nights sleep for the 5 nights since BFS returned to work finally took their toll. I snapped at him at 3am, read him the riot act as to what I would do if he woke up mummy again and left a disgruntled child who had the bloody cheek to come back through at god only knows what time to inform me that he couldn't get his covers to stay on. Aaaaargh.
The grumps escalated as the morning dragged on, to the point where I finally just broke down in tears and even at that he had the audacity to ask me why I was crying as he informed me that 'I wasn't sad'. I told him I was tired because he had kept waking me up - to which he replied 'but I was only crying Mummy'.....as though this wasn't a big deal and that I should have just ignored him.....you can't win!
I banned them both from pulling out any more toys and once I'd finished the ironing I went upstairs to my room (before I throttled one of them) and told them not to even bother coming to get me until they'd tidied up all of their toys from both the livingroom and the playroom. LL came up 5 mins later, and once banished from my room again and told to go back and help his brother tidy up I heard him chanting as he bumped down the stairs 'I no tidy, I no tidy, I play, I play'
We ended up up converting my bedroom into a cinema after lunch and one wrecked mum, one shattered little boy and a square eyed big brother settled into mums bed for a touch of Pixar magic. The former two managed to catch some zeds which at least allowed a touch of calm to wash over Station House before bedtime. I even helped BB make his first valentines card (for his 'girlfriend' Izzy. Too cute when he's 4 and she's 3!)
The riot act was once again read along with the statutory kiss, cuddle and rub-a-noses. Lets just hope that spending a day with grumpy mum is enough for them to actually take it seriously this time.
On another note I have a physio appointment in the morning, so fingers crossed they can actually do something to help my SPD, PGD or whatever else you may want to call the condition which is causing the agonising pain which wakes me every time I move in my sleep.
This is where I was heading with BB this morning after yet another disturbed night of sleep.
I thought I was coping quite well through the week, but the knock on effect of not getting a decent nights sleep for the 5 nights since BFS returned to work finally took their toll. I snapped at him at 3am, read him the riot act as to what I would do if he woke up mummy again and left a disgruntled child who had the bloody cheek to come back through at god only knows what time to inform me that he couldn't get his covers to stay on. Aaaaargh.
The grumps escalated as the morning dragged on, to the point where I finally just broke down in tears and even at that he had the audacity to ask me why I was crying as he informed me that 'I wasn't sad'. I told him I was tired because he had kept waking me up - to which he replied 'but I was only crying Mummy'.....as though this wasn't a big deal and that I should have just ignored him.....you can't win!
I banned them both from pulling out any more toys and once I'd finished the ironing I went upstairs to my room (before I throttled one of them) and told them not to even bother coming to get me until they'd tidied up all of their toys from both the livingroom and the playroom. LL came up 5 mins later, and once banished from my room again and told to go back and help his brother tidy up I heard him chanting as he bumped down the stairs 'I no tidy, I no tidy, I play, I play'
We ended up up converting my bedroom into a cinema after lunch and one wrecked mum, one shattered little boy and a square eyed big brother settled into mums bed for a touch of Pixar magic. The former two managed to catch some zeds which at least allowed a touch of calm to wash over Station House before bedtime. I even helped BB make his first valentines card (for his 'girlfriend' Izzy. Too cute when he's 4 and she's 3!)
The riot act was once again read along with the statutory kiss, cuddle and rub-a-noses. Lets just hope that spending a day with grumpy mum is enough for them to actually take it seriously this time.
On another note I have a physio appointment in the morning, so fingers crossed they can actually do something to help my SPD, PGD or whatever else you may want to call the condition which is causing the agonising pain which wakes me every time I move in my sleep.
Friday, 4 February 2011
Playing a game?
I'm not sure if this is what BFS's ex is doing or not, but either way she is surely getting under his skin. We haven't had a visit for BFS's DD since before christmas. Now for a man who fought tooth and nail to gain regular access to his little girl this isn't the norm. She comes to stay normally 50% of the weekends that BFS is home from work. The fact that she stays in a different county and is 7 and therefore is in school full-time restricts her time with us to those weekends.
BB and LL absolutely adore her and follow her around like puppies vying for her attention. BB especially is constantly enquiring when she is next coming to stay.
However, as I said she hasn't been for a while. She was due to come 2 weeks ago, but we got a call on the thursday evening saying she was ill and that she would get an emergency appointment at the docs for her on the friday. A phone call on sunday with BFS revealed that 'Mummy was too busy to take her to the doctor' and that she'd actually gone to the cinema with her friend that weekend. Didn't sound too sick to us! BFS offered to have her the following weekend, but she had a 'cinema birthday party' that she really wanted to go to. Turns out this birthday party was on the sunday and so she could have actually stayed over as usual and gone home a bit early on the sunday to attend!
Now here we are two weeks down the line on a pre-arranged contact weekend, and BFS has made the hour or so journey all the way to hers only to receive a phone call (from DD - not even her mum)1/2 hour before pick-up time to be told that she has a 'bit of a fever' and so won't be coming this weekend again. (Strangely DD didn't seem to think she was coming this weekend during a midweek call with Daddy.....) By the time BFS returns from work it will be 2 months since he's managed to get QT with his girl.
Understandably BFS is pretty upset, and very angry. He has called to see if he can see her for a couple of hours since he's down there anyway - but the calls and messages are being ignored. I try not to get pulled into this, and give BFS his space when I can see that he is obviously processing things over and over in his head, but this time I can't help but feel involved as it's not just BFS she's playing games with - it's my boys too.
How do you explain emotional blackmail to a 4 year old? BB is absolutely distraught that he's (once again) not getting to see his sister this weekend. He's been talking about it all week, and to get within a hare's breath of seeing her and then be told it's not going to happen is heartbreaking. He simply cannot understand it.
I haven't seen him yet. I'm at home awaiting the arrival of my despondant boys after their fruitless 3 hour round trip, but I know already I'm going to struggle to not feel just a spurt of anger for the thoughtless b**ch who's caused my boys (all 3 of them) this pain!
BB and LL absolutely adore her and follow her around like puppies vying for her attention. BB especially is constantly enquiring when she is next coming to stay.
However, as I said she hasn't been for a while. She was due to come 2 weeks ago, but we got a call on the thursday evening saying she was ill and that she would get an emergency appointment at the docs for her on the friday. A phone call on sunday with BFS revealed that 'Mummy was too busy to take her to the doctor' and that she'd actually gone to the cinema with her friend that weekend. Didn't sound too sick to us! BFS offered to have her the following weekend, but she had a 'cinema birthday party' that she really wanted to go to. Turns out this birthday party was on the sunday and so she could have actually stayed over as usual and gone home a bit early on the sunday to attend!
Now here we are two weeks down the line on a pre-arranged contact weekend, and BFS has made the hour or so journey all the way to hers only to receive a phone call (from DD - not even her mum)1/2 hour before pick-up time to be told that she has a 'bit of a fever' and so won't be coming this weekend again. (Strangely DD didn't seem to think she was coming this weekend during a midweek call with Daddy.....) By the time BFS returns from work it will be 2 months since he's managed to get QT with his girl.
Understandably BFS is pretty upset, and very angry. He has called to see if he can see her for a couple of hours since he's down there anyway - but the calls and messages are being ignored. I try not to get pulled into this, and give BFS his space when I can see that he is obviously processing things over and over in his head, but this time I can't help but feel involved as it's not just BFS she's playing games with - it's my boys too.
How do you explain emotional blackmail to a 4 year old? BB is absolutely distraught that he's (once again) not getting to see his sister this weekend. He's been talking about it all week, and to get within a hare's breath of seeing her and then be told it's not going to happen is heartbreaking. He simply cannot understand it.
I haven't seen him yet. I'm at home awaiting the arrival of my despondant boys after their fruitless 3 hour round trip, but I know already I'm going to struggle to not feel just a spurt of anger for the thoughtless b**ch who's caused my boys (all 3 of them) this pain!
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