Cherished Moment

Little fish....

It's been an eventful couple of weeks. BFS returned to work leaving me on my ownsome for only the second time since SC was born, but I was much less apprehensive this time as I knew that I made it through the last three week trip virtually in one piece. 

SC has definitely turned a corner in the past week or so and has chilled out and seems much more content for longer spells. Although I did think that, after having spent 4 hours in the Tula at the boys rugby tournament and the spells in the car seat which come with it, her screams of frustration in the evening translated to 'would you please just give me a routine and stop bloody winging it woman!!! I really felt for her as she just didn't know what to do with herself.

I have been feeling quite stressed about the time she spends in the car seat when BFS is at work (and indeed even quite a lot of time when he was home this last leave due to his commitments) I've been comparing it to her brothers and to be blunt it's pretty exponential. I just hope it doesn't hinder her skeletal development when she's older! 

We finished up our massage class last week. She was pretty chilled during the class, but has pretty much hated any attempt by me to treat her to one at home! With the pending swimming classes due to replace them, I thought that I should try and acclimatise missy to the water again as since she face-planted at the taster session and swallowed a mouthful she's been less than happy with any water contact! I started 'taking her to the pool' (ie deep, warm bath) in the mornings after we'd walked Lex and initially I had to feed her in the water so she started associating it with contentment and slowly she's started to relax. 

The big test was today when we returned to the Hydrotherapy pool in Dundee (which is amazing - as warm as an oversized bath) for our first official Water Babies session. She started to grumble at the poolside (I'm sure she recognised where she was!) but it didn't come to anything. She really wasn't sure throughout the whole half hour, but kept the tears at bay. I was very, very proud of her as she did her first 'underwater swim' which was basically the instructor dunking her under and passing her back up to me. She didn't cry (although was on the edge!) hopefully it will be the start of a beautiful relationship with the water.....CC had a swimming lesson today too! (On another subject, I'm so glad I've been so anal about the special pillows etc for her head as there were some pretty bad cases of flat heads at the pool today with the other babies. It was quite disturbing)

Another thing which enevitably had to happen was SC had her first fall! She was on the footstool (where she loves to lie and watch the light fitting) and must have used her feet against the sofa to push herself backwards - so much so that she slid off onto her head. Oooh the guilts. I was only a few feet away from her too. She also had her first bowt of being under the weather - literally last night! She suddently snotted up and snored all night (typical on the night before her swimming lesson) and subsequently spent all night in bed with me and we're both shattered. She's continued to be snotty all day, but I'm determined to have her in her own bed all night. She has already sent herself back to sleep after a wee cry and a lot of sucking on her fingers (she woke when I placed her in after her feed) which is a bit of a breakthrough. 

Bedtime has been going a bit better. A few nights ago I managed to get her down around 9, and since then it's been a bit hit or miss, but generally she's been in bed and asleep by 10pm, so I've clawed back a couple of hours in the evening - and some of these nights she would even go 4 hours between wakes and feeds. There's been some regression in the past few days though and sometimes we're lucky to get to 2.5 hours. I can see why some people give up and turn to formula or wean early as it is really draining, but my determined side will persevere to 6 months whether that means I spend my days and nights like a dairy cow or not!

SC has also become very strong too. She sits very confidently in the bumbo, and I let her have a couple of minutes 'upright' in the door bouncer the other day (I won't give her any longer as I don't think it's great for their hips). She hasn't mastered the thumb/finger sucking, but she is taking her own weight on her feet and legs. 

She's suddenly turned from a newborn baby to this interactive little human being. She will hold onto toys and actually 'play's with her playgym and toy bar on her bouncer. I haven't had her in the swing again as she really wasn't enamoured.

I suppose I should try and get some sleep (sleep when the baby sleeps......yeah right!) as she's snoring away beside me in her bed. Here's hoping I can turn my brain off!

Real tears

For the past two days SC has added waterworks to her repertoire. Up until now there's been the cries, mostly angry as though she is expressing sheer rage at everything and everyone, but a couple of times I've answered to her calls in the last 48 hours there have been tears seeping down her face or simply welling up in her eyes. I'm actually finding it pretty upsetting. It's as though this shit is now real. A light has been turned on in her little head, and she's no longer screaming because she doesn't know why, now she knows and it's upsetting her. She feels lonliness, pain, discomfort, abandonment, and most of all that she's not been protected from these things by me. 

I thought I'd finally try and introduce a 'bath and bedtime' routine. This time the real tears belonged to both of us. BFS had been working all day and in between feeds, dog walking, school runs, meal making (for the kids) baby massage class, swimming lesson drop off and a tip run, I had also been otherwise occupied and hadn't made dinner for the grown ups. I returned from a walk with SC and Lex (and Tex from next door) and BFS suggested he go out for pizza. Woo bloody hoo....meal making is definitely wearing me down at the moment. It's my most dreaded 'chore' (as that's what it feels like) the noo. Anyhoo's I digress...I decided tonight would be the night and she'd done so well at her massage class in the morning. I quickly grabbed the bath, got everything laid out upstairs including a towel on a piddle mat, ambient lighting and the lullaby CD playing which I used for BB when he was a baby. The bath got filled, BFS left and I stripped a smiling SC ready for her relaxing pre bed treats. Or so they were supposed to be! As soon as her legs hit the womb warm water all mighty hell broke loose. She screamed the house down and no amount of smiles and reassuring splashes from me could convince her that this was supposed to be a pleasant experience (note to self - get baby SC accustomed to the bathing experience before we embark on our first Water Babies block!) I gave up and took her out, wrapped her all snuggly and gave her lots of cuddles as I transported her to our mellowed out massage parlour. The problem was she didn't mellow out - in fact she escalated and once more that almighty raged holler came from her tiny frame. I cuddled, I walked, I even attempted to lather her in the coconut oil and chill her that way but finally caved, crying with helplessness and settled her the most likely way to work. I quickly got her dressed and into the grobag and u clipped my bra! She even complained about that! It took s good while got her to settle and finally accept the milk being offered. BFS came home after side one was emptied and she appeared calm and content (if only he knew what he'd missed!) I carefully ate my 'dinner' one handed trying my best not to drop any on the White linen! Once I was drained dry I popped her into bed, only to have her awaken (Argh) I let her suckle on my finger for a bit, tried and failed with the dummy and eventually went downstairs leaving her trying to suck on her own hands (knowing full well within 5 mins she'd be screaming again. Correct! I turned the monitor off, but after 15 mins and she was still at it BFS tried to settle her but she ended up back downstairs with us, back on the boob and annoyingly sleeping within 5 mins. Scared to move I sat with her like that until half past midnight. (3 1/2 hours!) BFS was sleeping on the other sofa! I really did have to get to bed and moved her upstairs to feed her again. She woke again going into bed and grumbled when I went to brush my teeth, this time luckily she settled with suckling my finger for ten minutes - so it's now my turn to get some sleep.....

Small changes

It's difficult to gauge your baby's growth and development when you spend all day every day with them. There is the enevitable growing out of clothes - the day you pick up the sleepsuit which fitted them 'only last week' or when you place them down for a moment on the footstool which they lay contentedly on whilst you took some pictures to have to then pick them up and find another safe place for them as their legs are now dangling off or they are now wriggling in such a way that they are threatening to roll off (god forbid!). Also with subsequent siblings (and I'm not saying the fact that SC is no.4 is an excuse....but in actuality it is!) combined with the fact that I've started this catch up too late - I've missed the opportunity to mark SC's first smile, the first time her thumb found her mouth (then didn't!), when she started to follow you across the room with her eyes, when she notedly held her head up (has since birth - but in a stronger way).....you get my drift.

I can remember that she was promoted to 3-6 month clothing at 6 weeks as the smaller size was making her toes curl. She wore her first outfit (rather than a sleepsuit)  which was a dress bought by her dad on 13th March at 8 weeks as we were out for a birthday lunch for me. As for development? I suppose I'll have to start here. A few days ago BFS commented that for the first time she looked like she 'really had something behind her eyes' - she was t just gazing in that newborn way. There's definite recognition there now, and if you approach it in the right manner you can get smiles on demand. The other thing is, a couple of days ago, she started interacting with a play arch hanging over her when she's lying on her back. It has three toys which bob up and down and spin around playing a tune if disturbed and she has worked out that she can do this herself if she reaches up to them with her hands. It's pretty cool :0) 

In addition she definitely spends more time settled nowadays - we're beginning to settle in with one another and just get to know each other better. 

Ooh - a wee update in 'arms up' swaddle bag. Hmmmm think that's also a non - starter. We had a really shit night last night and I'm not sure if it was coincidence that she was in it. Initially it seemed good, but I think she needs the ability to stretch her arms even further above her head. Still just a wee bit too restricted for her. I've decided I'll ride it out with the gro-bag and hope she masters her thumb soon!

Them darned shifting goal posts

So much for the dummy! It's been spat out pretty much every time I've wedged it into her mouth since.

Today I decided to break into the 'peanut swaddle' pack. (I held off the other day as the gro-bag seemed to be working just fine). I'd spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to settle SC and my frustration grew each time she dosed off (with my finger in her mouth - again) only to wake and try to chew on her own fingers - to then realise that she didn't yet have the dexterity and therefore get more and more stressed at her inability to create a seal around the half fist she was forcing into her (beginning to scream) gob, so I eventually caved and ripped open the pack of what I can only describe as a 'straight jacket for babies' in the vain hope that keeping her sodden slobbery fingers away from her chops (until such days as she can successfully use them to self soothe). Now - I'm not sure if it was down to the fact that SC has never been the biggest swaddle fan (due to the fact that she pretty much has had the freedom of a king sized bed for the first two months of her life (my bad)) or the fact that I stupidly thought that a 3-6 month sized suit would be a good fit for my slightly over chunky 'solid' two month old, but let's just say that it did not go down well. The resulting scene was not a pretty one. She went from slightly disgruntled 'I'm not sure if I want to go to sleep, but let me just suck on your crannie a little bit longer and I'll test the water' to all out 'WTF have you done to me woman' squirming, straight-jacketed, psychotic small being looking less like a peanut and more like a ravaged beast trying to escape from an oversized placenta*

I quickly unzipped said stretchy swaddle and quickly returned her to the gro-bag, and after another 15 mins of floor walking to settle her, assumed the position of her in her cot with me sat alongside with my finger in her mouth. Another 'miracle' product to cross off the list!

I am still intrigued by the other one though as it has extra arm bits which allow her arms to be in the 'up by the head' position which I think she may like. She can still get her hands (albeit covered) to her mouth in a controlled fashion to suck on the seams, but shouldn't whack herself in the face with the startle reflex. I'll try it tonight and let you know how it goes....

*don't let the jaunty little 'mummy and baby duck' embroidered design fool you. To SC this was nothing short of a torture device cunningly disguised as a 'feel cosy and snuggled in' must-have product for your newborn.