This is the picture I was left with....

Ironically taken outside playgroup before we went in, this was the face that I saw just before I walked out and left him! I'm not sure why, but this morning LL insisted on carrying this blue ball with him from when he stepped outside. He hasn't formed an attachment with this ball before, and I'm not sure if it was a kind of sub-conscious safety blanket - but he wasn't to be separated from it - even when he was climbing into his car seat!

The boys dutifully posed for pics this morning saying cheese on demand before we all set off for what will now be a twice weekly drop off of both boys to their relevent establishments!

LL quite happily toddled in behind me - grasping his ball and proudly sporting his brothers backpack containing some nappies and a toy car (I did try to get him to leave the ball in the car!), but when we went in there wasn't a name peg for him to hang his backpack on so we went inside to enquire as to whether he was actually due to start today. Yes! was the reply - they are just still in the stages of getting organised....

The play leader took me next door to show me the set up of the room in which LL would spend a majority of his time. LL didn't follow, and upon coming out I decided that it would be best to just leave rather than to go in and say goodbye in case this upset him, but as I captured a sneaky glance to make sure he was okay I was left with the above picture.....a pretty forlorn little soul with his backpack on, clutching his ball looking a bit unsure about what was going on in his immediate vicinity!

Tugging at the heartstrings commenced...





However when BB and I went to collect him, we did some spying of him playing in the garden and he seemed pretty content. Yay.

I was assured that he was fine.

I never did blog about his adorable Sean Connery stylee 'Yeshhhhhh' which I hope he never drops.....I digress......I asked him if he had fun at playgroup - he replied 'Yesh' I asked if he'd like to go again....he replied 'Yesh'

What more could you ask?

I'm cheating!

(Update - here's the pic I sent to playgroup for his peg. Face covered in birthday cake - but adorable all the same!)

I've crawled off to bed and I'm not giving this post the true care, time and attention it deserves....my baby boy LL starts at Playgroup tomorrow and I've been shockingly blasé about it. Even this post is being scrawled on my phone and there will be no pics.

Have I let his toddlerhood pass me by? I've been very happy to let him follow his brother like a shadow. It's the easy option - a babysitter on tap! I find it utterly adorable the way he dotes on his brother, how he watches from the corner of his eye and copies every cross of the legs, sip of a drink, tilt of the head and noise shouted in glee, but has this been to the detriment of our relationship???
Don't get me wrong, he turns to me when he falls, will happily provide kisses and cuddles on request, and snuggles up for stories and tv before bedtime, but he is also fiercely independant and fearless and not nearly as reliant on me as his big brother was. I think this sends a wave of guilt over me on occasion.
Right now I suppose I feel gulity that this huge thing for him has been overshadowed as his brother started back at nursery a couple of days ago, and because I actually don't feel in the slightest bit nervous about dropping him off tomorrow morning. I just have it taken for granted that he'll be fine...is this niaive of me? What if he isn't? I suppose secretly a part of me will be happy. It will be confirmation that perhaps, just maybe I have devoted enough time to my baby boy after all.

And if he is fine? Well maybe I should just accept that maybe he actually has more of his mum's genes in him than I was willing to admit ;0)

P***ed Off!

Last night I picked up a message on my phone from the local leisure centre saying that BB had finally made it to the front of the waiting list for the 'mini kickers' class after a few months of waiting! Woo hoo ..... and could I call back to confirm that he wanted a place in the class.

I asked BB if he would like to join his friends in the class when nursery started again. His face lit up and he made me play footie in the garden with him until daddy called us in. I made a big show of calling the centre whilst he was there to confirm his place- only to be told there were no places left.....Hold on a minute, she surely hadn't heard me right- they'd called ME and told ME there wad a space for him. There was no deadline placed on the return call and this was less than 24 hours later. I was informed that we were at the front of the queue - if that helped. Well no it doesn't bloody help, we've waited months for this and I seriously doubt anyone will drop out now until at least next year - do they want to come over and explain this to what will be a devastated three year old. Talk about dangling a carrot. Who did they give his place to? How many people did they call for this magical place in the class. I didn't realise it was a race..... boy did mummy fail in this simple task. I feel like shite, and I'm seriously pissed off!

Mummy - do you know what it's called when...

.....a car pulls over to the side on the road? Asked BB on a drive this afternoon (may I point out this was just after watching the grand prix with daddy....)

No - I replied

It's called a pissed off! Replies a very pleased with himself BB.

A WHAT!!!!???

A pissed off Mummy! (slight consternation now.....)

Oh - do you mean a pitstop? (It clicks with mummy)

NOOOOO IT'S A PISSED OFFFFFFFFFF!!!!

Hey - I'm not going to argue with this 3 year old......are you?



(Actually we had another conversation the other day along the same lines - a tractor pulled in front with some kind of tank trailing behind it.....

BB - Look mummy that tractor is pulling a cabbage

Me - Don't you mean a carriage?

BB - (With rolled eyes) no mummy, then it would have people in it!!!! - it's a cabbage!

Me - Why do you think it's called a cabbage BB?

BB - Cause Grandad Terry told me it was!

Me - Oh!)