Here's the culprit!

This baby here is the reason I am so far away from the family right now. She is not the vessel upon which I am sitting right now - but the one carrying away the 'black gold' from this FPSO. For those of you who don't know what an FPSO looks like - it's not much different from the oil tanker in the pic - but just plonk a big production process on top and there you have it!

Not very glamorous is it? Not somewhere you'd expect a camera yielding mum to be - but this is my alter ego. A reminder of my life BC (before children) indeed it was in the middle of the sea that BFS and I met - so really it has a place in my heart (not this particular spot - just the offshore life) Maybe the fact I'm a pisces has something to do with it too. I actually feel rather serene when out at sea (despite the constant urge to throw up when on a moving vessel!!!)

I once again have to remain here another night - circumstances outwith my control have kept me here - I just hope upon hope that I get to make my flight tomorrow evening and no other obstacles stand in my way of returning home to my boys - all three of them. I think the biggest one of all is needing his sidekick right now if only to get himself some well earned rest!

'Ah Well - That's the Offshore Life.......'

These words were spoken to me today in what was supposed to be some form of compensation for the fact that I've had two more precious days stolen from my family. We already gave them one extra godammit when I was informed quite simply that there are no flights out of the country on the day that I wished to leave.
Having sacrificed already 8 days of my husbands 13 1/2 day leave now I give up two more - the reason? Someone more important than me needed my seat on the plane from the own where I am in Africa to the big one I need to get to to get out of the continent. I can't even complain about it because the gent who required my seat was flying home to be with his sick wife. My morals wouldn't stretch that far.

So now I will have a paltry 3 1/2 days with hubby before HE has to return to work, and because I chose to do this I have to accept that 'Ah well - that's the offshore life.....' Apart from the military is there really any other industry where you just have to grin and bear it and feel as though it's a given part of the job?

I suppose I'll just have to re-set my countdown to home clock. That'll be 25 days since we've seen each other - I think that could possibly be a new record. Not one I'll be rushing out to break any time soon

BFS - I miss you. Get that bottom step warmed up for my return xxx

*Kitty Kat*

Scrumptious

I am naked!

Now BFS don’t get too excited. I don’t mean physically more metaphorically. I am travelling with work without my wedding /engagement/eternity rings. These rings are my connection to him and my children and 5000 miles away from home without them I AM naked! I’ve never thought that deeply about them before, but now I’m without them I realise that they are my security blanket, my armour, my protection whilst my husband isn’t around. Don’t get me wrong I’m not expecting to get jumped but I do feels strangely vulnerable.

Today for example I was sat in the (rather lovely) Air France lounge at Paris CDG airport when I became very aware of a certain gent blatantly staring at me. I subtly carried on reading my (free) copy of Marie Claire and thought nothing more. Then whilst in the boarding queue I was rather surprised to find the same gent standing beside me (well within personal space allowances) trying to engage me in conversation.
‘Do I speak French?’ NO (piss off)
‘Not even a little?’ NO (piss off)
‘I only speak little english’ smirk (piss off - he's really not taking the hint here....)
'Are you working in Libreville?' NO!!!!!
'Is it your first time?' NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
etc etc.....
'
Ooh then about 7 questions later - a statement. - 7 hours - the flight it is too long no?'
(Chance to mention the kids and re-iterate the PISS OFFFFFFFF)
'Actually I have two children - so no, it's not too long - lots of sleeping time' (Please don't let him be sitting near me........why is this queue taking so bloody long..........ooh lady take my ticket quickly please...........and dash for the plane..........)
I shrugged him off only enough to get a 'bon voyage' as he passed me on the plane. Phew luckily not even in my section!

Now had I had my armour on – I’m almost certain this scenario would never have taken place. I suppose I should have felt flattered – perhaps had he been young and hot rather than older and creepy I may have felt different, but as it stood I just willed him away.

You may wonder why I am without my rings, but I am travelling to a place in Africa where it is notorious that the customs guys help themselves to your stuff – and you don’t refuse if they want to take anything.
I am very very lucky to have a husband who is very supportive of me and my work and is understanding enough to not complain when I get dragged away on trips like these. (Even when in this case I didn’t even get to see him come home from work today)

However BFS you can be assured that this is the MOST naked I ever intend to be whilst travelling without you!

Is your Daddy a Giant *BB*? - No Mummy he's only a Daddy!

By golly gosh have I failed in my blogging task this trip? Once again I've been pulled in so many directions, and pulled my boys the same emotionally.

Hands up I admit I've had moments over the past two weeks where I have struggled and feel I have failed my two emotionally by not being the strong dependant parent that they deserve. Don't get me wrong - the days have mostly been filled with giggles and joy, but there have been the odd moments where my tether has been very short and a mix of frustration and tiredness have caused me to snap. I even put my youngest in 'time out' tonight as he just wouldn't relent with the tears.

The guilt was undescribable when I saw the look on his face when I went to retrieve him from his cot. Then after he'd scoffed some of his dinner (the reason for the tears) I put my fingers in his mouth to feel his gums and felt even more guilt when I felt a new sharp little tooth cutting his gum. Can anyone possibly feel this shitty?

Anyways - big brother who also howled at his dinner (I actually gone to the effort of pulling together a roast chicken dinner - which probably fuelled my frustration!) Just got told to EAT!!!! I think he knew not to mess, so dipped down his head and scoffed up. Surprised at his brother being removed from the table he was amazingly nice to me right up until bedtime. I may FINALLY be commanding some respect from him. It just truly upsets me that it has taken lots of tears and tantrums from him, and shouting from me to get there. I fully believed that the 'sit down and explain all approach was best' and although I 90% of the time still adopt this, I think it has actually taken a stricter approach to hammer the message home.

As BFS said to me today (he called mid turmoil) 'Remember - he's three, you're thirty three (he cut a year off to be kind!)' and he's right. How can I expect BB to act like an adult when he's at least 20 years off becoming one (I don't believe people instantly turn into adults at 18 - life experience is required for that!)

I should also take from BB - I was reading him a book about Daddy being a giant when I asked the question in the title. You can see his response. Very simplified in the eyes of a 3 year old. I suppose that I have to remember that at the end of the day I too am 'only just a Mummy' I'm not super human, there will be times when I can't hide my emotions, I will often feel I am failing, but I hope that actually I am doing a good job. I would love the 50 year old me to be looking at my children thinking - 'Boy - I did good!'

No stories....

We had a fab day today at David Lloyds in Aberdeen, but I have to work so I can't tell you any more about it!!!! sorry!

Gauntlet laid.

The blogging gauntlet has been laid by my lovely BFS, and I have been unable to pick it up! Time has flown away from me since he returned to work, and since I returned from work!

Since I last blogged my youngest has matured from a baby into a toddler, converting his first unsure stumbles into confident steps. As a friend pointed out today he walks from his chest! (Imagine a pigeon trying to impress a mate)

My eldest is growing into a finely tuned little boy. He heads off to Nursery next week. Two years and he'll be in school. Wow. He is a sensitive little soul - with a strange desire for wandering around in his pants!

I had an overwhelming amount of patience for my boys in the first days alone with them this time. I stepped away from everything else to provide the focus that they need from a parent. I read an endless amount of books (which is BB's favourite pastime) and managed to avoid the dreaded TV until at least dinner time. Life was verging on bliss......however BB once again has been playing up with me in a manner that he just doesn't with his dad. I've had broken sleep every night since BFS went to work. Starting at twice the first night, and increasing gradually to the point where on friday evening I had rude interuptions at 12:40, 1:30, 3:00, 6:00 and 7:00 am. Come saturday I'd turned from perfect Mummy to the She Devil. Both boys were grumpy, but I won the grumpy war. I tried the nicely nicely apporach, I tried the firm approach, I tried the threatening to take away all niceties apporach, but I found that the breaking down in front of your 3 year old and crying because you just can't take any more and begging him to just please please do what mummy asks 'just once' approach actually gets the best result!!!!

What I really wanted was to have a shower - but I just couldn't get peace to do so. I ended up with BB telling me that he would look after me and fetched me towels (which was lovely) and LL counteracting by spending the whole few showery minutes with his hands pressed against the glass of the shower screen screaming the house down as though someone was taking me away! Not the most relaxing. To culminate we then headed out to a double birthday party in a soft play place from hell - on a Saturday! What was I thinking????? Luckily my mum took the boys overnight to give me some rest - so I'm back to being official storyteller with a half human feel about me.

BB is now abbreviating everything with an 's' his beloved tinky winky is now 'Tinks' my friend Hetty today became 'Hets' and the look on my mums face was a classic when yesterday he referred to her as 'Grams'. It's kinda cute - but he has also changed Thnak You to Thanks - I'll have to get that sorted!!!!

I really have to get some pics flowing - work seems to be taking priority I'm afraid. But I'll get some on soon as......hey at least I got some words down - I was going to go to bed, but you won that fight!