Is your Daddy a Giant *BB*? - No Mummy he's only a Daddy!

By golly gosh have I failed in my blogging task this trip? Once again I've been pulled in so many directions, and pulled my boys the same emotionally.

Hands up I admit I've had moments over the past two weeks where I have struggled and feel I have failed my two emotionally by not being the strong dependant parent that they deserve. Don't get me wrong - the days have mostly been filled with giggles and joy, but there have been the odd moments where my tether has been very short and a mix of frustration and tiredness have caused me to snap. I even put my youngest in 'time out' tonight as he just wouldn't relent with the tears.

The guilt was undescribable when I saw the look on his face when I went to retrieve him from his cot. Then after he'd scoffed some of his dinner (the reason for the tears) I put my fingers in his mouth to feel his gums and felt even more guilt when I felt a new sharp little tooth cutting his gum. Can anyone possibly feel this shitty?

Anyways - big brother who also howled at his dinner (I actually gone to the effort of pulling together a roast chicken dinner - which probably fuelled my frustration!) Just got told to EAT!!!! I think he knew not to mess, so dipped down his head and scoffed up. Surprised at his brother being removed from the table he was amazingly nice to me right up until bedtime. I may FINALLY be commanding some respect from him. It just truly upsets me that it has taken lots of tears and tantrums from him, and shouting from me to get there. I fully believed that the 'sit down and explain all approach was best' and although I 90% of the time still adopt this, I think it has actually taken a stricter approach to hammer the message home.

As BFS said to me today (he called mid turmoil) 'Remember - he's three, you're thirty three (he cut a year off to be kind!)' and he's right. How can I expect BB to act like an adult when he's at least 20 years off becoming one (I don't believe people instantly turn into adults at 18 - life experience is required for that!)

I should also take from BB - I was reading him a book about Daddy being a giant when I asked the question in the title. You can see his response. Very simplified in the eyes of a 3 year old. I suppose that I have to remember that at the end of the day I too am 'only just a Mummy' I'm not super human, there will be times when I can't hide my emotions, I will often feel I am failing, but I hope that actually I am doing a good job. I would love the 50 year old me to be looking at my children thinking - 'Boy - I did good!'

No stories....

We had a fab day today at David Lloyds in Aberdeen, but I have to work so I can't tell you any more about it!!!! sorry!

Gauntlet laid.

The blogging gauntlet has been laid by my lovely BFS, and I have been unable to pick it up! Time has flown away from me since he returned to work, and since I returned from work!

Since I last blogged my youngest has matured from a baby into a toddler, converting his first unsure stumbles into confident steps. As a friend pointed out today he walks from his chest! (Imagine a pigeon trying to impress a mate)

My eldest is growing into a finely tuned little boy. He heads off to Nursery next week. Two years and he'll be in school. Wow. He is a sensitive little soul - with a strange desire for wandering around in his pants!

I had an overwhelming amount of patience for my boys in the first days alone with them this time. I stepped away from everything else to provide the focus that they need from a parent. I read an endless amount of books (which is BB's favourite pastime) and managed to avoid the dreaded TV until at least dinner time. Life was verging on bliss......however BB once again has been playing up with me in a manner that he just doesn't with his dad. I've had broken sleep every night since BFS went to work. Starting at twice the first night, and increasing gradually to the point where on friday evening I had rude interuptions at 12:40, 1:30, 3:00, 6:00 and 7:00 am. Come saturday I'd turned from perfect Mummy to the She Devil. Both boys were grumpy, but I won the grumpy war. I tried the nicely nicely apporach, I tried the firm approach, I tried the threatening to take away all niceties apporach, but I found that the breaking down in front of your 3 year old and crying because you just can't take any more and begging him to just please please do what mummy asks 'just once' approach actually gets the best result!!!!

What I really wanted was to have a shower - but I just couldn't get peace to do so. I ended up with BB telling me that he would look after me and fetched me towels (which was lovely) and LL counteracting by spending the whole few showery minutes with his hands pressed against the glass of the shower screen screaming the house down as though someone was taking me away! Not the most relaxing. To culminate we then headed out to a double birthday party in a soft play place from hell - on a Saturday! What was I thinking????? Luckily my mum took the boys overnight to give me some rest - so I'm back to being official storyteller with a half human feel about me.

BB is now abbreviating everything with an 's' his beloved tinky winky is now 'Tinks' my friend Hetty today became 'Hets' and the look on my mums face was a classic when yesterday he referred to her as 'Grams'. It's kinda cute - but he has also changed Thnak You to Thanks - I'll have to get that sorted!!!!

I really have to get some pics flowing - work seems to be taking priority I'm afraid. But I'll get some on soon as......hey at least I got some words down - I was going to go to bed, but you won that fight!

Horsey horsey don't you stop!

Yesterday The boys, myself, mum and grandma all went to a countryside festival at Glamis Castle. Glastonbury would have been proud of the mudfest which we encountered (mum and grandma having to purchase a pair of wellies at the second stall we came across!) but the most exciting part of the day would have to be BB's first ride on a pony. It was positively microscopic, but perfectly in proportion for him! He almost accosted the poor girl getting off it for her helmet (he needed an XXS - how cute!). I thought he may have felt differently once up on it's back, but no! He loved every minute. A very self satisfied smirk was present on his face for the whole circuit!

May have to start saving for some jodphurs for xmas!!!

Oh and in the absence of Daddy, I felt obliged to try and win him something on the 'knock the cans down' stall. I duly obliged and won him a 'blueberry' (A blue ball which smells nice and fruity!) After bagging a(nother) transporter with two tractors on it from another wee shop a happy and contented BB snoozed his way home!

Isn't he handsome?

I think so!

Project *LL* complete!!!

As BFS has just pointed out - I completed project *LL* yesterday - and didn't even publish it on the blog!!!

So here it is......every week from birth!

My Boy is One!!!!!

And I don't even have time to blog about it - Aaaargh!!!

He even took his first (albeit only two) steps unaided 2 days ago. As soon as you let go of his hands he normally drops to the floor like a bombshell, but the other day he stumbled a couple of steps before falling into me. Today however he took those steps more confidently. He is getting a bit cocky with his standing up and raising his hands to the air as though he is praising some kind of messiah!!!!

I've not even managed to finish project 'One year of LL'!

I did manage however to make another tee in a rush tonight as it's a little lad's first birthday tomorrow - hope he likes fire engines!!!!