By golly gosh have I failed in my blogging task this trip? Once again I've been pulled in so many directions, and pulled my boys the same emotionally.
Hands up I admit I've had moments over the past two weeks where I have struggled and feel I have failed my two emotionally by not being the strong dependant parent that they deserve. Don't get me wrong - the days have mostly been filled with giggles and joy, but there have been the odd moments where my tether has been very short and a mix of frustration and tiredness have caused me to snap. I even put my youngest in 'time out' tonight as he just wouldn't relent with the tears.
The guilt was undescribable when I saw the look on his face when I went to retrieve him from his cot. Then after he'd scoffed some of his dinner (the reason for the tears) I put my fingers in his mouth to feel his gums and felt even more guilt when I felt a new sharp little tooth cutting his gum. Can anyone possibly feel this shitty?
Anyways - big brother who also howled at his dinner (I actually gone to the effort of pulling together a roast chicken dinner - which probably fuelled my frustration!) Just got told to EAT!!!! I think he knew not to mess, so dipped down his head and scoffed up. Surprised at his brother being removed from the table he was amazingly nice to me right up until bedtime. I may FINALLY be commanding some respect from him. It just truly upsets me that it has taken lots of tears and tantrums from him, and shouting from me to get there. I fully believed that the 'sit down and explain all approach was best' and although I 90% of the time still adopt this, I think it has actually taken a stricter approach to hammer the message home.
As BFS said to me today (he called mid turmoil) 'Remember - he's three, you're thirty three (he cut a year off to be kind!)' and he's right. How can I expect BB to act like an adult when he's at least 20 years off becoming one (I don't believe people instantly turn into adults at 18 - life experience is required for that!)
I should also take from BB - I was reading him a book about Daddy being a giant when I asked the question in the title. You can see his response. Very simplified in the eyes of a 3 year old. I suppose that I have to remember that at the end of the day I too am 'only just a Mummy' I'm not super human, there will be times when I can't hide my emotions, I will often feel I am failing, but I hope that actually I am doing a good job. I would love the 50 year old me to be looking at my children thinking - 'Boy - I did good!'
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